Its over

Then why won't my eyes stop brimming over every time I read a post like this?

Or this?

Or this?

And this.

Its never going to be over now, is it?

I hope someone would just tell me upfront that this is something we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

An eye for an eye

I don't fucking care if the world goes blind. I want justice. I want vengeance.
I want every single one of those mother fuckers to die. A slow, drawn out, painful death.
I don't care about being compassionate, I don't care about my uncharitable thoughts. I will not feel guilty for wishing the plague on them.
I watched an entire night, fear striking my heart cold. I averted my eyes and shed quiet tears when strangers asked me if I knew anybody in Bombay.
I smiled through dinner, making sure everybody had a good time. I made polite conversation.
I tried to move on.
I failed, miserably.

I cannot forgive or forget this time.
I saw my country burning, repeatedly...the news in an endless loop. A nightmare that refuses to let me wake up.

Impotent anger and mind-numbing grief won't help anyone or change anything.

Yes, you are right.

So, what are my options again?

Numb

I'm a non-mumbaite. I don't know anybody who was harmed in what happened today.
So how do I explain this feeling of crushing grief enveloping me?
My country is burning, in the most sophisticated, well thought out attack since WTC.
This is so much closer to home.

I don't want the world to go on, I don't want anybody to smile. I want to scream. I want to do something..anything. I want to make it right, somehow.

I am scared of praying that everybody I know is fine. Everytime I do that, it means cancelling out someone else's wishes...that everybody THEY know are fine.

Just how long....

...does it take to forget someone you loved.

To not think about them everytime you are alone with your thoughts.

To fight the urge to cry everytime you stand under the shower.

To not feel your heart twist in pain everytime you hear that name.

To not go 'invisible' in the chat room, just so you can see if THEY are online.

To dress up, brush your hair till it shines, and not hope you will run into them, you know, casually, on the street.

To stop reliving the last time you said 'Bye' and tacked on a 'Take care', knowing you mean it this time more than ever.

To wake up happy and then be slammed in the gut by how much you miss THEM.

To stop hoping you will be distracted by something, anything, even if it is just for a moment.

To muster the ability to say 'Fine' convincingly when someone asks 'How are you?'



Do they ever realise you are thinking of them, does your thought bring a smile to their face? Or does it pucker up in that adorable frown you loved to kiss away?



Just how long does it take till it doesn't hurt when you breathe.

Reminds me of...

...of the Kellogs Rice Krispies tagline. Childhood is calling.

Found it!!!!!!!!!!!!

I first saw the face on some HDTV design show and I was hooked. Its was what I imagined angels would look like. Cherubic, sweet with rounded apple cheeks, melancholy saucer eyes and cupid bow lips, that face was captivating and at the same time strangely familiar. Its the sort of familiar that turns into a niggling annoyance at the back of your mind. ,I kept thinking about it on and off and I could never really figure out. Its like that piece of song you keep humming but cannot remember where you heard it. Like a will-o-wisp, the 'Aha' moment keeps eluding you. I finally saw an old Will and Grace episode, did some digging and uncovered it. I got my 'Aha' momnet! Yay!

I know that this discovery is not going to amuse anyone but me, when I old and gray and reading my posts (I do that, often) but what have you got to lose, right? If you are familiar with art-shart, you will chuckle and think to yourself, I know of better artistes/ I can't believe she didn't know someone so famous or you will get a chance for your 'Discovery of the day'.

So Drumroll please..........Piero Fornasetti (try saying the name, very sexy) is the artiste who was inspired by this face and went on to paint it on every surface imaginable, from dinner plates to lamp shades. His bio will tell you more about him than I can, seeing as I just figured out who puts those faces on stuff.I also found out where you can get this stuff in New York so the next you come over to my place, it might just look like this.

Arrested Development

I have no idea how this show slipped under the radar despite getting critical acclaim. I, a devout follower of all sitcoms, dramedys(drama-comedy) and such, missed this till it was well into its last season. Like all familys in the TV world, this one is deliciously dysfunctional. The Bluths are over the top, materialistic, neurotic, selfish and completely unrepentent. Jason Bateman as Micheal Bluth is as dishy as ever. He is the voice of conscience for the family amd brings a sweet sincerity to the character. I lurrve him. I do, I do....but enough about him. Micheal Cera, the Juno kid is there, so are Jeffrey Tambor, Will Arnett, Portia de Rossi, Henry Winkler, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, Jessica Walter. Aw, you had me at Jeffrey Tambor and Will Arnett. Will Arnett's wife also pops in for a cameo, as his wife. And there's David Cross as a closet gay with a 'nevernude' condition. Have I sold it yet?

Its impossible to pick anyone for a special mention. The cast is marvellous. I can't find a superlative that will describe how good they are. Together, they are as good as vanilla icecream over hot brownies...even better.

Ron Howard, my favoritest actor-director is the executive producer on this show and he the narrator too.

Watch out for all the inside jokes and references to the actors previous projects.

You can find season one full episodes here. I don't think its in syndication, I haven't seen it yet. So dvds are our only bet for the remaining seasons.

Nanya's Bday

Nanya turned 3 last weekend. Ananya is my niece and every first time aunt/uncle knows how precious nieces are. My little girl with her angelic features, curly brown hair and bottomless dark eyes turned 3. It seems like just yesterday Manasee was indulging her cravings for pani-puris and blaming it on her gently swelling belly. I know this sounds odd but I can't remember the time when we didn't have Ananya around. Aunts are immune to objectivity so I feel no shame in proclaiming that our family has been blessed with the cutest, smartest and the most adorable child. Just like everybody else's :)

It was more of a birthday weekend for Nanya than a Birth-Day. What with her understanding the concept and having gone to countless Dora-themed birthday's she had a specific list of demands for her special day. She wanted to eat pani-puri, cut a big Mickey Mouse cake and go to her favorite Thai restaurant. The Thai restaurant fixation has less to do with the food and more to do with the super friendly staff who allows Ananya to paint on the tablecloth. First she celebrated her birthday in school by cutting a cake and distributing goodie bags, then came home to pani-puri(like mother, like daughter) . Then we all went to the Thai place where Ananya lost no time in proclaiming to all and sundry "It's my birthday today", "I'm a birthday girl", "I'm a princess" much to the amusement of the staff who had met her when the English words she knew were "Hi" and "Bye". After dinner she informed her mom with the authority of a just turned 18 yr old that she was coming to stay with me and we had plans for Saturday. Manasee who had already downed a glass of champagne fought long and hard to keep a straight face :). Saturday morning Nanya and I went to Apple Seeds in Manhattan, an indoor play area for kids. We also got her and her doll matching pink dresses. A sugary confection on ruffles, frills and lace the dress was perfect for a little girl. The highlight of the trip was of course the train rides where Ananya sang Hindi songs for a nice Chinese lady who kept smiling politely through the performance.
On Sunday we celebrated her birthday again, now with a dozen kids at Chuck E Cheese, the kid mecca. It was a Sunday night and atleast 4 birthday's celebrated in that place. What ensued was complete pandemonium. Kids on a juice and cake high were running around dragging their hapless parents behind them till the mascot ChuckE came out and led the kids around the room and sang some songs with them. The pizza sauce and cake smeared faces looked super happy and super tired at the end of the evening. And Ananya was a little dazed by the whole affair.
And so with some fanfare, a pink dress, a princess cake, cheese pizza and ChuckE, Nanya turned 3.

Guilty pleasures

Mills and Boons, Temptation series... hidden under pillows and read furtively in late afternoons
Reality TV marathons...is there anything like it?
Old sitcoms...the one's you know by heart
Chocolate chip cookies...an entire box instead of lunch
Chocolate...in so many ways, molten, warm, dark, decadent, intense, wicked. Dripping off my fingers as I lick them off...one by one *Shivers*
French fries, potato chips, mashed potatoes, baked potato, aloo paratha with sweet curds, coriander chutney and mango pickle...any form of potato for that matter.
Playing hookey...when there's nothing wrong with you but its raining and there's 'Harry met Sally' on TV
Archies and Jughead...Double Digest
Gossip..juicy, detailed..over cups of masala chai
Cheese...greasy, melting, oozing, sweating on top of a crispy brick oven pizza
Dan Brown novels
Breakfast in bed...made by a loved one
Spontanous shopping trips...chicken soup for the wannabe fashionista
Fried chicken, fried onions...well, fried anything
Whispered conversations late into the night with a new love

Sums up the three major loves in my life, TV, Food, Books.

New motto for a new improved me

A question, how can anything be new and improved? If it is improved, that implies that there was an earlier version, meaning its not new. I ramble. I read this on PFC and was maha impressed.

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." - Calvin Coolidge

Combined with something I read in Reader's Digest it gives me immense food for thought. I forgot the original quote and who said it but the thought was something like this . If you ram into a wall enough times, sooner or later(my bet is on later) the wall will budge. You will also break every bone in your body but hey, you get the idea.

Having gone through my life believing that I'm an undiscovered genius, I think its time to make a few changes.

Manasi Drew and the mystery of the disappearing passwords

Despite my optimistic outlook (that is about how optimistic I can get)in my first post on my brand new blog, 2008 hasn't been my year yet. My job search isn't going so well and I am being traumatised by the mystery of the disappearing passwords. First my rediff account locked me out for a random reason. I couldn't remember the password to my rediff shopping account and instead of helping me retrieve that password, rediff decided to lock me out of my email account. Then there was my earlier blog. I couldn't remember the password to that too(alright, I'm a little forgetful, part of being a creative genius!) and so tried to retrieve it through what google promised would be a couple of easy steps. I should have known better than to trust those words.Haven't I heard them before in so many forms 'It will hurt just a little bit', 'I promise you will enjoy it'. For all you dirty/curious minds, the above words were uttered in entirely different contexts viz the dentist before a root canal and a friend before watching Kisna. Anywho.......long story short, I had to get a new blog. New year, fresh start to my life, I decided to record all my passwords in a word file so I won't ever forget it. That should solve my problems. Yea, right!

Then come along Doostang, an incredible job search site which is by invitation only. I got someone to send me an invite, set up my account and uploaded my resume, did everything a good girl should do and ignored the Project Runway marathons and tubs of chocolate icecream.
Then as a reward for my very hard work Doostang locks me out, this time no reason whatsoever. Not only does it pronounce my password incorrect (the nerve) but also my email id. At this point I'm in tears, my email id does exist and no snot nosed excuse for a site is going to tell me otherwise. So there! I showed em.
Today morning I tried to access my library card which doesn't even have a password, you can just login with your card number and that too has been given the death sentence. I am beyond mad now.
The paranoid and over imaginative me is feeling like Sandra Bullock in The Net. The not so imaginative me is feeling just plain annoyed.

I'm launching a full scale offensive to get my accounts back!

new blog, new enthu, new discipline

my new year resolution