Then why won't my eyes stop brimming over every time I read a post like this?
Or this?
Or this?
And this.
Its never going to be over now, is it?
I hope someone would just tell me upfront that this is something we have to live with for the rest of our lives.
An eye for an eye
I don't fucking care if the world goes blind. I want justice. I want vengeance.
I want every single one of those mother fuckers to die. A slow, drawn out, painful death.
I don't care about being compassionate, I don't care about my uncharitable thoughts. I will not feel guilty for wishing the plague on them.
I watched an entire night, fear striking my heart cold. I averted my eyes and shed quiet tears when strangers asked me if I knew anybody in Bombay.
I smiled through dinner, making sure everybody had a good time. I made polite conversation.
I tried to move on.
I failed, miserably.
I cannot forgive or forget this time.
I saw my country burning, repeatedly...the news in an endless loop. A nightmare that refuses to let me wake up.
I want every single one of those mother fuckers to die. A slow, drawn out, painful death.
I don't care about being compassionate, I don't care about my uncharitable thoughts. I will not feel guilty for wishing the plague on them.
I watched an entire night, fear striking my heart cold. I averted my eyes and shed quiet tears when strangers asked me if I knew anybody in Bombay.
I smiled through dinner, making sure everybody had a good time. I made polite conversation.
I tried to move on.
I failed, miserably.
I cannot forgive or forget this time.
I saw my country burning, repeatedly...the news in an endless loop. A nightmare that refuses to let me wake up.
Impotent anger and mind-numbing grief won't help anyone or change anything.
Yes, you are right.
So, what are my options again?
Yes, you are right.
So, what are my options again?
Numb
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I'm a non-mumbaite. I don't know anybody who was harmed in what happened today.
So how do I explain this feeling of crushing grief enveloping me?
My country is burning, in the most sophisticated, well thought out attack since WTC.
This is so much closer to home.
I don't want the world to go on, I don't want anybody to smile. I want to scream. I want to do something..anything. I want to make it right, somehow.
I am scared of praying that everybody I know is fine. Everytime I do that, it means cancelling out someone else's wishes...that everybody THEY know are fine.
So how do I explain this feeling of crushing grief enveloping me?
My country is burning, in the most sophisticated, well thought out attack since WTC.
This is so much closer to home.
I don't want the world to go on, I don't want anybody to smile. I want to scream. I want to do something..anything. I want to make it right, somehow.
I am scared of praying that everybody I know is fine. Everytime I do that, it means cancelling out someone else's wishes...that everybody THEY know are fine.
Just how long....
...does it take to forget someone you loved.
To not think about them everytime you are alone with your thoughts.
To fight the urge to cry everytime you stand under the shower.
To not feel your heart twist in pain everytime you hear that name.
To not go 'invisible' in the chat room, just so you can see if THEY are online.
To dress up, brush your hair till it shines, and not hope you will run into them, you know, casually, on the street.
To stop reliving the last time you said 'Bye' and tacked on a 'Take care', knowing you mean it this time more than ever.
To wake up happy and then be slammed in the gut by how much you miss THEM.
To stop hoping you will be distracted by something, anything, even if it is just for a moment.
To muster the ability to say 'Fine' convincingly when someone asks 'How are you?'
Do they ever realise you are thinking of them, does your thought bring a smile to their face? Or does it pucker up in that adorable frown you loved to kiss away?
Just how long does it take till it doesn't hurt when you breathe.
To not think about them everytime you are alone with your thoughts.
To fight the urge to cry everytime you stand under the shower.
To not feel your heart twist in pain everytime you hear that name.
To not go 'invisible' in the chat room, just so you can see if THEY are online.
To dress up, brush your hair till it shines, and not hope you will run into them, you know, casually, on the street.
To stop reliving the last time you said 'Bye' and tacked on a 'Take care', knowing you mean it this time more than ever.
To wake up happy and then be slammed in the gut by how much you miss THEM.
To stop hoping you will be distracted by something, anything, even if it is just for a moment.
To muster the ability to say 'Fine' convincingly when someone asks 'How are you?'
Do they ever realise you are thinking of them, does your thought bring a smile to their face? Or does it pucker up in that adorable frown you loved to kiss away?
Just how long does it take till it doesn't hurt when you breathe.
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